HotSake72 (10:09:53 PM): Hi there, you're looking for a place to stay at PAX, right?
Auto Response from Kato Arabel (10:10:18 PM): I am currently away from the computer.
Kato Arabel (10:10:24 PM): Hm..yeah.
Kato Arabel (10:10:37 PM): Cheap enough if possible. I'm, uhm...being laid off this friday.
Kato Arabel (10:10:41 PM): So I won't be able to pay much.
HotSake72 (10:10:35 PM): That's understandable.
Kato Arabel (10:11:22 PM): So you got room, huh?
HotSake72 (10:11:00 PM): There's just one problem. You've made a complete ass of yourself in all your electronic interactions, expecially with members of Sealab
Kato Arabel (10:11:35 PM): So it would seem.
Kato Arabel (10:11:38 PM): I'm under a lot of stress.
HotSake72 (10:11:44 PM): That, too, is understandable. But what we've seen of you makes us believe that having you around would be a complete nightmare.
Kato Arabel (10:12:17 PM): Not really.
Kato Arabel (10:12:22 PM): I'm a nightmare online, but offline..I'm very quiet.
Kato Arabel (10:12:31 PM): Remarkably so.
HotSake72 (10:12:17 PM): Well there's really no way to tell that over IM.
Kato Arabel (10:12:43 PM): I know.
HotSake72 (10:12:24 PM): You were curious about Sealab, weren't you?
Kato Arabel (10:12:50 PM): One reason for that is because I'm Deaf.
Kato Arabel (10:12:54 PM): And yeah.
HotSake72 (10:12:31 PM): So I've heard.
HotSake72 (10:12:40 PM): You know what Sealab is, right? Big party?
Kato Arabel (10:13:11 PM): I just looked up the thread, yes.
Kato Arabel (10:13:20 PM): I don't usually start browsing the PA forums until PAX seasons rolls around the corner.
HotSake72 (10:13:14 PM): And you know some of the people you wanted to stay with are hosting it, right? I heard you weren't cool with staying in a party room
Kato Arabel (10:14:00 PM): The only reason for that was because of my concerns about how the hotel management would react.
Kato Arabel (10:14:16 PM): Based on what I learned about congoers staying at hotels during the past two SakuraCons.
HotSake72 (10:14:17 PM): I've had experience with hotel parties. Usually they don't care unless you start puking all over the hall or yelling and screaming. It's not really that kind of party, however.
HotSake72 (10:14:29 PM): Plus, quality hotel = thicker walls
Kato Arabel (10:14:58 PM): *chuckles* Yelling and screaming. That conjures up an interesting mental image.
Kato Arabel (10:15:12 PM): But yes. You do carry a valid point. I tend to take a "worst case scenario" approach.
Kato Arabel (10:15:17 PM): It's become a habit of mine.
HotSake72 (10:15:09 PM): Right. Well, the party's going to happen regardless.
Kato Arabel (10:15:44 PM): I'm not gonna try to stop it.
HotSake72 (10:15:27 PM): and you've turned off the people you've been talking to, like Jaiden
Kato Arabel (10:15:55 PM): I know.
Kato Arabel (10:16:01 PM): I'm not the most socially apt person.
Kato Arabel (10:16:08 PM): I try, but I fail quite often.
HotSake72 (10:15:45 PM): you posted in the "I need room" thread, right?
Kato Arabel (10:16:14 PM): Hum...yeah...
Kato Arabel (10:16:42 PM): My head's kind of confused right now. Overthinking.
HotSake72 (10:16:28 PM): I'd wait, and see what happens. Or you could try PMing a few of the people who said they have space.
Kato Arabel (10:17:05 PM): I did send some contacts to a few that have space.
Kato Arabel (10:17:09 PM): I'll wait for a response.
Kato Arabel (10:17:18 PM): I apologize.
HotSake72 (10:16:57 PM): That's probably the best move.
HotSake72 (10:17:13 PM): And thanks, I'll forward it on. I'd give up on getting space from the people you've been asking, though.
Kato Arabel (10:17:45 PM): I'm not really happy with myself as a whole nowadays.
Kato Arabel (10:17:48 PM): Hm.
Kato Arabel (10:17:49 PM): I know.
Kato Arabel (10:18:00 PM): With the way I've been letting my bitterness get the best of me, things are just getting worse.
HotSake72 (10:17:54 PM): In fact, I'd avoid even IMing them if it can be avoided. If you make your way to the Sealab party, maybe they can see the real you, but right now talking to you isn't an option for them
Kato Arabel (10:19:24 PM): I do appreciate it when you take the time to talk, nonetheless.
Kato Arabel (10:19:32 PM): But I don't know what I'll be doing for PAX>
Kato Arabel (10:19:39 PM): Odds are, I'm probably going to end up wasting my media pass
HotSake72 (10:19:36 PM): Because you don't have a place to stay?
Kato Arabel (10:20:37 PM): Because I don't know if PAX - or any social gathering - is good for me. I've been attending ever since PAX first started, and I haven't really felt 100% enjoyed.
Kato Arabel (10:20:43 PM): I mean...
Kato Arabel (10:21:05 PM): I'm usually the only person going in there, wandering around sitting down and doing some writing/etc...
Kato Arabel (10:21:23 PM): You could say I've gotten stuck on the "alone" setting.
HotSake72 (10:21:39 PM): People enjoy PAX in different ways, of course. Still, if you don't feel you're getting the kind of enjoyment you should be for the cost of a pass, travel, etc., just don't go.
Kato Arabel (10:22:23 PM): Robert's giving me a free media pass for this year.
Kato Arabel (10:22:26 PM): I'm not sure why.
HotSake72 (10:22:17 PM): Guess he got the impression you're media. Do you write for anyone?
Kato Arabel (10:22:44 PM): I did make the request, though, in lieu of the second place prize for the CS tournament.
Kato Arabel (10:22:46 PM): No, I don't.
Kato Arabel (10:22:59 PM): I actually seem more like a quiet, deaf freak.
HotSake72 (10:22:39 PM): CS tournament, last year?
Kato Arabel (10:23:07 PM): Who just happens to have a handsome face. >.<
Kato Arabel (10:23:12 PM): And yes.
HotSake72 (10:22:59 PM): Oh, ok. So it's basically just a free pass then
Kato Arabel (10:23:31 PM): Some jackhole stole the prizes the night after the tournament, and there was nothing good for us to grab
Kato Arabel (10:23:43 PM): So I requested the pass, instead.
HotSake72 (10:23:22 PM): Gotcha
Kato Arabel (10:23:48 PM): Yeah.
Kato Arabel (10:23:53 PM): Not like I can really make use of it, though.
HotSake72 (10:23:50 PM): Well, I assume you can afford the travel, since you're worried about where to stay when you get there
Kato Arabel (10:24:22 PM): I have no media contacts, no jobs as a writer, and my current job is as a manufacturer for some subpar contractor for Boeing that pays nine dollars an hour - of whiich I'm being laid off from due to horrendous arthritis complications
Kato Arabel (10:24:27 PM): And I Live in Kent, WA.
Kato Arabel (10:24:30 PM): Just south of Seattle.
Kato Arabel (10:24:41 PM): But the bus commute is horrible on the weekends, which is why I'd rather crash at a place near the con.
HotSake72 (10:24:26 PM): Right, right.
Kato Arabel (10:24:53 PM): But honestly...my priority right now is finding a place to live.
Kato Arabel (10:25:11 PM): Because I'm being evicted, and I have no viable means of normal income after friday.
Kato Arabel (10:25:23 PM): Which means having a place to live is out of reach unless I find a room for $300 a month.
HotSake72 (10:25:27 PM): Well, I don't think PAX goers can help with that. As far as the con goes, you could auction off the pass if you think it's going to wasted on you.
Kato Arabel (10:25:57 PM): And nevermind just that, HotSake72, there's the fact that I've been living in moderate isolation for the past five years....
Kato Arabel (10:26:07 PM): So that explains why I'm not socially apt.
Kato Arabel (10:26:15 PM): Yeah. I could sell the pass. But still.
Kato Arabel (10:26:23 PM): The cons are the only times I'm among people who share my interests...
Kato Arabel (10:26:37 PM): The best chance at making real friends, I guess, friends that I've been growing desperate to find.
HotSake72 (10:26:16 PM): Yeah, they're good for people who dont' socialize that much.
Kato Arabel (10:26:48 PM): Look.
Kato Arabel (10:26:50 PM): I'll be blunt.
Kato Arabel (10:26:51 PM): I'm sick of it.
HotSake72 (10:26:29 PM): Feels a little safer knowing everyone around you has something in common at least.
Kato Arabel (10:27:01 PM): Yes. I know. However, I'm sick of being alone.
Kato Arabel (10:27:05 PM): Year-round.
Kato Arabel (10:27:09 PM): I have nobody to talk to.
Kato Arabel (10:27:19 PM): You have any idea how maddening that is? :<
Kato Arabel (10:27:47 PM): On top of that, I'm hopelessly chasing a dream that I may never attain.
HotSake72 (10:27:28 PM): I'd be lying if I said I truly understood that.
Kato Arabel (10:27:58 PM): Honesty. I appreciate that.
Kato Arabel (10:28:11 PM): But I've grown dulled to the feeling of isolation.
Kato Arabel (10:28:21 PM): It becomes tiresome, but it's something I had to get used to.
Kato Arabel (10:28:32 PM): That aside, my dreams? I don't know about that.
Kato Arabel (10:28:47 PM): A deaf guy in the video game industry, aiming to create groundbreaking games that would completely redefine a genre?
Kato Arabel (10:28:53 PM): Sounds bloody fuckin' unlikely...
Kato Arabel (10:29:07 PM): Especially when it's a disability.
HotSake72 (10:28:47 PM): There's nothing in game design you can't do while deaf, aside from sound design, amybe
Kato Arabel (10:29:23 PM): ...a lot of people say that.
Kato Arabel (10:29:49 PM): But I can't raise my confidence until I'm proven wrong on the perception that I'm getting: Deaf people are considered in corporate cultures to be a hindrance.
Kato Arabel (10:30:11 PM): Why the hell do you think I could only get a non-profit job as a manufacturer at a company whose policy is hiring disabled workers?
Kato Arabel (10:30:38 PM): And with a horrible system for reviewing work performance, and lack of proper paperwork organization....despite the best work I did at that job for the last two years, they never once gave me a raise!
Kato Arabel (10:30:58 PM): Being stuck in that job for more than a year had made me bitter.
Kato Arabel (10:31:15 PM): I despised corporate culture, and I ended up hating capitalism as a whole.
Kato Arabel (10:31:35 PM): It's a system where people use others for their own profit.
Kato Arabel (10:31:40 PM): With no regard to fairness.
Kato Arabel (10:31:53 PM): American Disabilities Act? Moot. Equal Employment? Out the window.
Kato Arabel (10:32:02 PM): Simple as that.
Kato Arabel (10:32:21 PM): I'm sorry. Sorry. I shouldn't have put all of this on you.
HotSake72 (10:32:04 PM): Right, well, the reason I contacted you was because Jaiden didn't know how to say "Stop talking to me"
HotSake72 (10:32:19 PM): It seems like you lay a lot of your troubles on the people you've been talking to.
Kato Arabel (10:32:49 PM): Like I did, yes.
Kato Arabel (10:33:03 PM): You could say I've been having a hard time finding an outlet for the frustration...
HotSake72 (10:33:09 PM): As far as PAX goes, if you still don't have a place reserved by August, I'd start getting worried. Until then, you've obviously got other issues to deal with.
HotSake72 (10:33:31 PM): The rest of it, I'm not qualified to comment on.
HotSake72 (10:33:37 PM): Good luck, though.
Kato Arabel (10:35:08 PM): ...thanks, I guess.
HotSake72 (10:35:30 PM): Yeah. Just try not to start pouring your heart out to people when you're asking for a room, or what have you. It's not going to change their mind about taking you in or not, and it just looks like you're trying to play the sympathy card.
Kato Arabel (10:35:57 PM): I've got way too much frustration packed inside myself to really function properly in a social atmosphere.
Kato Arabel (10:36:03 PM): No, I don't want sympathy.
Kato Arabel (10:36:06 PM): I want friends who care.
Kato Arabel (10:36:24 PM): People I can just sit down at a table and talk to.
Kato Arabel (10:36:30 PM): Enjoy time with. Shoot the wind, etc.
Kato Arabel (10:36:40 PM): Leave behind my troubles if not for just a few hours.
Kato Arabel (10:36:48 PM): That's what I want.
HotSake72 (10:37:49 PM): I wish I knew how to just go out and get that. Believe I'd have a dozen. It starts with acquaintances, though. Try to find people in the local area that share an interest, like gaming. A lot of comic shops host games and tournaments.
Kato Arabel (10:38:39 PM): Well. I blew it with some of the Sealab guys in Seattle, didn't I?
Kato Arabel (10:39:01 PM): And of course, some of the Seattle-area artists on DeviantArt.
HotSake72 (10:38:50 PM): Yeah, but if you leave them be for a while, and especially until you see them at PAX, it could be a different story.
Kato Arabel (10:39:22 PM): ...
Kato Arabel (10:39:26 PM): I don't know about that.
Kato Arabel (10:39:49 PM): In my experience, the impressions I make are usually distastrous online, and seem to leave somewhat of the same lingering impression. The thing is, I don't introduce myself very well.
Kato Arabel (10:40:06 PM): On top of that, because of the noisy atmosphere, it is extremely difficult to follow conversations in one on one.
Kato Arabel (10:40:16 PM): I have to rely on someone to write down on a note pad or something.
Kato Arabel (10:40:30 PM): Which is, in my perception, a hassle and a roadblock to fostering a friendship because my generation...
Kato Arabel (10:40:31 PM): ...well.
Kato Arabel (10:40:41 PM): People in my age group are lazier and don't like being hassled with trivial things.
HotSake72 (10:40:50 PM): It's unfortunate, but not everyone's like that.
Kato Arabel (10:41:31 PM): Show me someone who isn't.
Kato Arabel (10:41:42 PM): I've met a few, but they don't seem interested in carrying a friendship.
HotSake72 (10:41:25 PM): Anyway, I didn't intend to be on this long. I gotta go do domestic stuff before I turn in.
Kato Arabel (10:41:53 PM): I hear that.
Kato Arabel (10:41:56 PM): Well.
Kato Arabel (10:42:01 PM): Mind if I add you to the PAX group on my list?
Kato Arabel (10:42:05 PM): the AIM list, that is.
HotSake72 (10:41:57 PM): Sure, but I won't be on very often.
Kato Arabel (10:42:26 PM): Understood.
Kato Arabel (10:42:41 PM): Hmm?
HotSake72 (10:42:24 PM): sorry, just playing the buttons
Kato Arabel (10:42:51 PM): Heh...okay.
Kato Arabel (10:43:00 PM): Hum..
HotSake72 (10:42:38 PM): Good luck finding a place
Kato Arabel (10:43:16 PM): Not likely to happen, I don't think. The odds of that are pretty hopeless, given the current market.
Kato Arabel (10:43:23 PM): God, I'm such a goddamned pessimist.
Kato Arabel (10:43:30 PM): If I could be optimistic, I would.
HotSake72 (10:43:29 PM): Pessimists usually have the more realistic view, but it's still distorted. Keep trying. It's all you can do.
Kato Arabel (10:43:59 PM): But it feels incredibly ridiculous to be hopping around repeatedly saying "Everything's gonna be okay, everything's gonna be okay"....
Kato Arabel (10:44:14 PM): ...While wearing a big, fat, fake grin on your face.
HotSake72 (10:43:56 PM): Yeah, I wouldn't do that
HotSake72 (10:44:16 PM): Alright, I'm off. Later.
Kato Arabel (10:44:44 PM): See ya.